II

The fear is this

that at the dark moment

I will flash into true being

a deep shadow deep even against the encroaching black

and where it was thought to find light

instead thrown forth like a banner

is the breadth and depth of my depravity

the key is in the lock

the lock oiled these many days

with the sweltering sweat of a thousand small fears

a hundred little hurts and stabs

and lo i fear hearing it in the midst of the crowd

the animal voice crying out among the startled

among the saints and the saved

and then this screech of a snarl

carrying with it all that heavy fears of the dark eyes

I conceal when I smile

and so I run and I beg you

Oh Lord my strength close in around me

build your might around me like a tall tower

your love, thick walls keeping me still and silent

in the safety of your strength

How strong O Lord your right to strike the wolf

that masquerades inside your flock sweating salty sin

strike and strike again, cleanse me of this festering sore

this rank impurity

Come, O Lord, let your wrath fall upon me

and amidst the pain too I will be in Your glory

in the blazing revelation of who you are

and how you love

striking the children you love

not to spoil the child but to redeem

to put him in the way that I should go.

I fall silent in the hope of your presence.